The more I think about it, the more nervous I am to go to Boston for school! I’m fine with going far away, but it’s the people that are psyching me out. From what I’ve seen so far, everyone is either really fucking weird or seems really bitchy. I hope I find friends that are into the same music and things as I am! And also, I don’t want any high school stuff there - I want friends that are girls that act like guys, if that makes sense. Just friends that are laid back and not petty or anything like that would be perfect. Who knows how it’ll all end up, but I guess I just need to not worry about that stuff because ultimately, the reason I’m going there is for their renowned neuroscience program and to receive an amaaazing education. If I can do that, I’ll be so proud of myself. And I’m sure I’ll make friends along the way, but I hope that I can avoid getting caught up in any kind of high school stuff. I don’t know. It’s just been on my mind. I can’t wait to go there though :)
Accept what is going on in the world around you. Time is whirling past, faster than ever, and so things are changing a lot. The only way to grow is to accept those changes. Accept them, embrace them even, and let it build your character into something even greater. I’m tired of seeing lazy people, blatantly stupid people, people lacking intelligence, immaturity, ignorance, and so many more negative things. I had been in a rut for a while, but only to bounce back a thousand times stronger. I finally feel so sure of not only myself but the road I’m headed down. I cannot wait to be able to fully embrace my potential and go away to school in just a few months. I cannot wait until this hellish school year is over. I don’t enjoy it at all.
The only thing keeping me going is my integrity as a student. I want to do well still, but the days in school are not exciting anymore. And honestly, I don’t care to make them exciting anymore. The fact that there is absolutely no one like me at my school just makes it all the more dreadful. I can relate to some of my close friends with a lot of things, but there is so much about me that I feel like I only ever share with my brother and sister these days. And I don’t mind that - I love them more than anything in the world! But even my best friends and I care about completely different things. They don’t care about the things I’m interested in, so I just don’t even care to bother anymore. I always try to listen and be attentive, empathizing when they talk about whatever is going on with them or boys or just whatever else. If I’m ever not, I don’t mean to be. I don’t want to be self-involved and so I’ve always tried to be like that. All I really ever cared about was the same in return because that is what friends do. So if people ever want to know what’s going on with me…well honestly, fuck it. I’m just sick of everyone. I’m sick of doctor’s appointments too, but I’m done talking about the shit that’s been going on with that because I just hate it. I hate being the sick one all of the time now. I don’t think anyone even comprehends how much of a struggle it is for me in my mind and physically, but at least now that I know what’s going on I can better manage it. I’m not complaining, nor do I want to. This is my life and I’m dealing with everything. Besides the things I cannot help, I’ve never felt so healthy. And besides all of what I just discussed, I’m so happy with everything else in life. I’m just going to focus on my grades for this last stretch of my senior year, and I know it will fly by. And really, it cannot go by quickly enough.
